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My blog. Its been almost a year since i last visited. To think i dont even remember the name ( its obnoxiously long, but still). Thankfully blogger remembers me, or i would have had to click on 'Forgot Password?'. Hell. One year. What Have i become? I've changed so much i hardly know myself anymore. I stopped writing. I stopped reading at all. I don't enjoy stupid Hindi movies, or any movies for that matter, at all. Nothing touches me, not music, not tragedy, not even death. Like a stone face i watch. I have something to complain about everything, something bad to say about everyone. Why so grumpy? What have i lost in this one year. The answer probably is, myself. But why? I don't know. I havent even thought about it. I havent realised it till today. I didn't realise it till Nash pointed out that i was silent. And irritated. And then i wondered why i wasn't enjoying myself the way i usually do, even just sitting in that car, saying nothing, doing nothing.

Ruminations. Led me to believe that, it was after all, fear. Fear that i'd slip back into being the usual me. Waiting every minute for a message on my phone, a call, or even a small glimpse. a wave of the hand from a distant terrace. Like a silly schoolgirl. Fear that if i did that, i'd become the same jealous little thing, jealous of any other company except mine. Fear that that would lead me into saying something, which would upset him, even though i knew it was unfair. Fear that i would again start to expect things. And fear that i would be disappointed again. Why is disappointment so hard to take? Is it bad enough that i have to change myself in order to handle it? After all, i would only be disappointed at a cancelled appointment. Aren't there people with much bigger hopes and dreams, so high that if they come crashing god knows what would happen. So if they didnt stop that little candle-flame called hope, why should i? why havent i thought about this before, rather, what led me into this path, without my knowing at all? and what happened to the once systematic me, who does all her jobs on time?

The answer(s) to this : ZYNGA and Facebook. The entire day i sit planting seeds, cooking dishes with weird names or feeding fish. And what do i get out of it? Nothing. So why haven't i been able to shake it off? I haven't tried. Maybe i don't want to. Keeps me occupied, so i don't know how time flies when i wait for it to be 6 in the evening, and i can put a call to the U.S. Is there nothing else productive enough? None that i can think of. Keeps the mind stupid and blank. I think less about other things now, and don't pine away just for the sound of a voice. So now, is that something to be proud of, i wonder? Well, i don't feel as bad as before, but its been having worse effects than before on the other side. What do i do now? Go back to being the pining- whining or the aloof?

The Pursuit of Happiness

Happiness is the undying quest of life, the unquenchable thirst and the insatiable hunger of all human kind. Happiness is what we all seek for, what we long for. But can such bliss be nothing but an elusive state of mind, which is here one moment and gone the next, or is such a positive outlook attainable for a lifetime? Above everything else, happiness is purely a state of mind. Two people put in the same situation would be perceive things differently, and would have different trains of thought. One might still be happy, put in the most miserable of environments, while the other might cringe, though everything was handed to him on a platter. No amount of money can buy you real happiness. So what do you need to do to be happy? You don't need to be surrounded by wealth, you don't need more pocket money, or the latest video game, or the latest phone in your pocket, or an r15. You need not follow the eight-fold path incorporated by the Buddha. Just a few simple pointers would do.

1. Love yourself. 

One who loves himself has no rival. You should be your favourite and be able to live with yourself. This contentment would clear most of the frustration in your mind, and make you a better person to be around with. 

2. Love thy neighbour. 

Not in the literal sense, but any feeling of dislike towards someone you know, would automatically poison your mind (film stars excluded). Learn to accept people as they are, whether they be to your liking or not. If you don't get along, well, then accept that too! Just remember that someone might be feeling the same way about you too. And what you give to someone eventually comes back to you, be it love, respect, or dislike.

 

3. Smile all you can.

The most effective and popular medicine for a low spirit or a glum expression is a smile, be it given or received. A smile from the heart, which reaches the eyes automatically passes the glow all around. Try it : give yourself your best smile in the mirror (not a wide grin).. just look into your eyes and smile. You'd be smiling a long time after that.

4. Don't worry.

What's happened has happened, and what's going to happen.. no one knows!! So wipe the creases off your forehead.. take what comes with a smile, and think towards what could be the solution. Face any situation with confidence, and tell youself you can tackle it better than anyone else!

5. Make the most of your day.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery.. today is a gift. Wake up everyday to face the world with head held high, ready to take on any challenge coming your way with enthusiasm so that before you sleep, you can review your day with no regrets, and know that you have done your best.  

6. Be positive. 

Always be optimistic in your thoughts and actions. Don't ever let anything get you down.  Anticipate with positivity, whatever you think would happen next, and whatever happens, know that it would happen for the good, and that eventually something good would come out of it. Just keep going, persist,  no matter what.

7. Take time out for yourself

Think.. what is it that would make you really really happy? A game? Or music? A long conversation with your best friend? what ever it may be, make sure you allow yourself to do it, even for a short while. 

For starts, these basic points would do wonders. The entire cycle of life, why man goes to the extent of making money, and then spending it, or bequeathing it to his offspring, is based on the pursuit of happiness. Most would define money as the building block of happiness, spend their entire life trying to earn as much of it, and then when they realise they were wrong, it gets too late.We chase money, health, growth, fame, power, property and relationships, not for their own sake but for the satisfaction they promise. The creation of empires and civilizations, the discovery of continents, the waging of wars, the whole ebb and flow of history is a graphic portrait of man's ceaseless quest for happiness. We choose, to be or not to be happy. Have you made the right choice today?

Friendship

What's the first relation a child would experience, apart from that withhis mother and father? It is friendship. The human survival is based on friendship. From the highest authority to the lowest bums living on the streets all of them have experienced in some way or the other one of these different kinds of friendships. We take this friendship for granted because it is something that exists naturally in society and most of us never really have to actually go out into the world looking for a friend. But how many of us do realise, that a true friend is as rare as (an open text book in engineering?) the purest of diamonds? Ever tried counting how many friends you have? Some might go on counting to, probably, say 20. But you could count on your fingers, the number of people who would stand stalwart, no matter what the odds against you, or whom you could call at two o' clock in the morning and still be confident you wouldn't get screamed at for disturbing sleep, and who would lend an ever-steadfast ear to whatever rubbish you might have to let out of your head. To have atleast one, would be nothing short of a blessing. 

The very pivot of this relation, is an unfailing loyalty and an infallible trust, between the two friends. With loyalty comes trust, and with trust follows loyalty. The true friend being a rarity, a strong inexhaustible frindship is probably even rarer. The question of egos arises here too, and many do fail to realise the triviality of a hurt ego, when placed beside a broken bond. Often, the order of hierarchy is blatantly fouled up, only to see the sorry end of a wonderful bond. 

Contrary to the accepted adage, love is the weakest relationship. Couples split as easily as they bond together. Even blood relations break off. But friendship is what stays. Once a friend, always a friend. Friends stand by you, when even your own family thinks twice. Friends are always there, near or far, to throw in a word of comfort or two. True Friends are rarer than we think they are. People change unbelievably over time, and thats what makes us realise, how no amount of money to get a friend stand up for you, when all you can see are accusing fingers pointed straight. Indeed, there is no bond like the one you share with your best friends, in fact, even your boyfriend/girlfriend would be your best friend first. A friend in need is a friend, indeed. Friendship, is what makes the world go round.

Relationships

What makes man different from other beings which exist? What has made him emerge above all the other animals?His ability to bond, to hold relationships with those around him. Mother-child, Father-child, Wife-husband, Brother-sister, brother-brother/sister-sister, friend-friend and more popular, the boyfriend-girlfriend; each is unique in itself, and has a beauty about it. Talking chemistry, some might look like covalent bonds, one day they are as strong as if stuck with fevi-kwik, and then drift apart in no time at all for the triflest of issues; while some ionic bonds remain steady and sail smooth, no matter how many whirlpools or storms they encounter. Man is often referred to as a social animal. He seeks companionship, and it is his nature to long for association with other fellow beings. Inspite of this, we see man groping in the dark; countless kinships we see breaking before our eyes, all for reasons so silly, not even worth metioning. Adults and adolescents alike, having clashes over trivial issues, even to the extent of breaking blood relationships. Each pointing fingers the other way, neither willing to break the ice. A relationship after all,is like a coin, whether its stands or breaks, is the result of each person in the relationship, and not just one standing stalwart. Seldom people fail to look at the other's perspective, or stand in the other's shoes, or just give a thought to why the other behaved as they did. Tempers rise. Egos clash. There is a fine line with ego on one side, and pride/self respect on the other. When the limit to this line is discerned, there need not be any effort to hold up the relationship - it will stand on its own. A little patience, a small compromise, a little control over anger, a bridle over any nasty retort on the tip of the tongue, would go a long way in making things better. "Why should I be the one to say sorry?" is the question that would pop in to the mind first. Instead, it should be, "Is all this worth losing a friend/relative?" Saying sorry does in no way make u shorter by an inch or two. Inevitable clashes and confilcts may occur, but it is the reconciliation that matters in the end. The very crux of a relationship is not love, as many would reckon, it is trust. For without trust, any other aspect of a relationship does not hold weight. A little baby would laugh out loud, when thrown into the air by his parent, with the assurance that he would land safely into his mother/father's arms. The same baby, after having reached around 20 years of age, would be very reluctant to show the same degree of trust, towards the same person. And in all probability, he would put this fragile emotion somewhere where it is least respected - an infatuation or the like. The reason? Human nature. So full of folly himself, man assumes the other to be at the pinnacle of perfection, and finds it frustrating to know that he is wrong. Every relationship passes through this fault-finding phase at some point of time, and only those bonds which believes that it's just a phase, and waits in patience for it to pass, emerges strong. Considering the daily frustrations at college/ work, that patient waiting takes a little strength of mind, and more importantly, trust in the other. A healthy relationship would most definitely involve give-and-take from either side. Honest communication, a wee display of affection, would take the relationship a long way.

After a 90-minute ride in the back-seat of a Qualis and a sore bottom, finally i got down to behold the vast Godavari, stretching from end to end, dividing two districts. So we were about to enter no man's land (rather both districts', or whatever). I thought i could see almost a thousand people at that place, around ten boats, each carrying not less than a 100-odd number. What a roaring business. No wonder, all over Rajahmundry, i found boards with "Papi Hills Vihari Trip"( try translating that) etc. It wasn't only them, the vendors too, because everyone wanted to carry some fruit/snacks onto the boat. They came just for about one hour everyday, the hour before the boats were about to set-off. I saw baskets after baskets empty out within minutes. Anyways, after the initial shakiness experienced when one has to climb on with the help of just a four-inch-wide plank, I finally took my place on the terrace of the boat, and took in the rolling river as she flowed with all her grace. It was to be an eight-hour trip, along the river. After the first one hour, having crossed most of the villages dotted on the banks, what came up nearly swept me off balance. I expected something good but this was so lovely, so beautiful. Virgin. That's the only way to describe it. Untouched by the clawing hand of the metropolitan man, grasping at everything within reach, literally raping mountains, and calling it quarrying. Untouched by the gnawing teeth of urbanisation gnashing away, biting off more than it can chew. Like a series of immaculate landscape paintings being unravelled in front of my eyes, dotted with just the right colours at just the right places. I could stare at these for the rest of my life, i felt. Beauty so refined (I'm out of words right now, just thinking about it again). Resorts on one of the banks, thought I'd love to spend a night there. No signal in cellphones, and probably only insects to keep you company (I'm reconsidering now). Villages, some which didnt even know the value of money! That really got me thinking for a good one hour. What a life! Barter system was what we read about in history books, about cavemen, literally. Stagnant, having no system of education, generation after generation following the same pattern of living. Yet, so simple, free from the many entanglements and ensnarements of our world. What's it to them if the price of petrol is reduced by a rupee? Or if someone committed a multi-million dollar fraud? Here we are, grappling with relationships, waiting for movies to release, trying to cram in a thousand things into 24 hours, meeting deadlines, heaving and sighing with every rise and fall in the stock market, worrying about sem results, worrying about what would blow up next, worrying whether our loved ones would come back safe when they step out of the house, looking forward to meeting our boyfriend/girlfriend again, looking forward to the many things good or bad, that the future might bring. And beholding an entirely different world, so complacent, probably very happy, for progress comes with a desire for more, a longing for a better life. No roadway, once in a while traders come with goods, and sell them in exchange for something else. Day after day, the same routine, with no expectations, probably not knowing that something could be expected. Their source of water is the Godavari, and the rains. Anyways, with the proposed Polavaram Project, these trips would come to an end, and these villages would develop too i guess, with beter employment opportunities, and of course, the need to make it a better place for the employees to reside in, more facilities, improved transportation would act as a bridge between both worlds. 

The sunset left everyone overwhelmed, and told us that it was time, to disembark onto temporal soil again, and that the ephemeral excursion had ended. 

I didn't look forward to the ride back home in the Qualis very much.   

What makes the world go round?

Think the answer is love? Think again then. The saying has changed a bit over the years. Many opine that money, is what makes the world go round, around which the earth rotates, around which it revolves. Probably thats what would be taught to school kids a few decades from now. Now, what triggered off this train of thought, was an extremely pathetic movie called "Yuvatha" about four guys and two girls and their friendship. Let me now not get tempted into reviewing the movie here but a couple of scenes really got me thinking. The guys were supposedly the best of friends, living for each other. Now, they have a plan to rob some organisation, and a couple of them go, one backs out, and one is injured. The guys who go to do the job are tricked, and they end up wth a jail sentence and no money. Whom do they suspect? Obviously the guy who backed out, because he was nowhere to be found. Not one scene showed them even giving a thought to what happened to him. In another scene, in jail, the two best - friends have a squabble and one guy blatantly tells the other guy that he's been "tolerating" him just because the guy had no one else and because he pitied him. So four best friends. Friends for life. Until the money issue. Where have we not seen such things? "Friends" flock to an easy-spending guy, relatives flock to you if you have lots of things to gift away in your will. Sometimes it seems, that all this advancement, technology, has made life so easy, but what a price to pay! We probably wouldn't have been too badly off as cavemen, a cave to himself each, with a barter system, having what we need, not what we want. Heck. What i talk about may not sound too sensible. But where are we without a few notes of currency? Things (whatever) required for life would now be stated as 1. Air 2. Water. 3. Food 4. Money. For without money there is no food, no water. We all know, money can buy medicines, but not good health; books, but not knowledge; a bed, but not sleep; a house, but not a home etc etc.. but what about those with no money to buy medicines, books or a house? What about those who cannot take some treatment because of financial constraints? My point is, the poor guy looks at the rich one enviously, thinking he'd be really happy if he was in the other's place, but the rich guy would never ever wish he would have been poor, though he faces jealousy, envy, resentment and what not, all the other evils money would bring. If you remember, Shania Twain said, 

"We live in a greedy little world
That teaches every little boy and girl
To earn as much as they can possibly
Then turn around and
Spend it foolishly
We've created us a credit card mess
We spend the money that we dont possess
Our religion is to go and blow it all
So its shoppin every sunday at the mall
All we ever want is more
A lot more than we had before

What have we become?
Yuvatha also made me think about friendship. Love is the weakest relationship. Couples split as easily as they bond together. Even blood relations break off. But friendship is what stays. Once a friend, always a friend. Friends stand by you, when even your own family thinks twice. Friends are always there, near or far, to throw in a word of comfort or two. True Friends are rarer than we think they are. People change unbelievably over time, and thats what makes us realise, how no amount of money to get a friend stand up for you, when all you can see are accusing fingers pointed straight. Indeed, there is no bond like the one you share with your best friends, in fact, even your boyfriend/girlfriend would be your best friend first. Dil Chahta Hai was such a fine showcase of this beautiful bond. Dil chahta hai, kabhi na beetey chamkiley din, hum na rahein kabhi yaaron ke bin. Friendship, is what makes the world go round.

@!#$%^&$!!!!

How can some people be so irritating??? People just get onto your nerves sometimes! And what can you do about it? Nothing! Just because you want to avoid the emotional outbursts afterward, or because you have to spend the rest of college/ work together - or simply, because that person valuates your exam papers. You can't even tear your hair out (I fear growing permanently bald) . Probably the best idea would be to take a chill - pill, but how many times and for how long?? The first stage, you may be patient, close your eyes, and forget it after 10 minutes; the second, your blood begins to boil and you wish you could record the scene for MTV's One Tight Slap; third, you start feeling you are above it all and take it as a test of your tolerance levels, the fourth (thats as far as I've gone) is when you are confused and tell yourself that you are still in the third stage, but actually slip down to the second. All because you have no other option but to stand the person patiently, for reasons mentioned above. But what is the point of it all? Why do people want to be someone they're not? Popularity? Sympathy? WHAT?? The problem with pretense, is that, no one knows where to stop. People begin to go overboard in being "sweet" (or "tough", whatever). And the worst part is, people think YOU are the mean, emotionless brat. Is everyone blind? Seriously, its tolerable to some extent if the person is a contemporary, but profs are absolutely the limit. Sometimes i wish i could stand up in class and scream "WTF?" (and a lot more than that). And when he pointedly throws lame comments, I wish I could turn into Krissh atleast (in the interest of humility) and show him how i really feel about him. I wouldn't feel half as agitated if the persons who really matter share my convulsions. But no. If that happened I wouldn't probably be writing this in the first place. Mom always says, "Don't find so many faults with everyone, they probably think the same about you." Why doesn't anyone understand??
And then there's the category that thinks half the male population is dying to get a glimpse of their fingernail. The others get to listen to endless stories about how this guy makes passes, and that guy does something else and what not; when actually no one turns a hair. And no one appreciates them, because they're all so jealous. Hmph! The 3 odd hours I spend in college I have my brain eaten out by stuff like this. Aishwarya Rai would probably make a run for her money if these people entered bollywood/ hollywood. WTF?? Does no one believe in mirrors? And the guys too.. the slightest attempt by these at juvenility would make them go "so sweet/cute!" Ugghhh! Boys are really the limit sometimes! And amidst all this I get to do nothing but stand and watch. And probably gnash my teeth("Gngngngngngngn" as my buddy puts it)
Heck, the world is going to stay just as it is. Probably we should be the ones with a change in attitude, which advocates more tolerance towards other fellow beings. Or rather, deal with it with subtlety (which dexterity, of course, many of us are not fortunate enough to posses). For my part, I would dearly love to show the full wrath of my sarcasm. Lets just leave it at that. Life just goes on I guess.